Tips for Sexting: Progressive or Problematic?

When thinking about sexting, some argue that is it problematic, while others may argue that it’s progressive.  I have been split on the issue since we spoke about it in class, which also sparked me to look up sexting and its views.  While I was in the midst of Googling things about sexting, I came across this article by Cosmopolitan called “4 Tricks For Your Steamiest Sexts”.  Although this article can be see as controversial, with each one, I have tried to see a progressive/positive point, and also a problematic/negative point. 

1.     Paint a Snapchat with your Words:

In this “tip”, it suggests that a person shouldn’t necessarily jump the gun and send a “nudie pic” right off the bat, but rather, “paint a picture” to the receiving end; “get their mind and heart racing” by suggesting something in a text or snapchat.

Progressive point: It’s still sexy and it is confident without feeling pressured to send a fully nude photo. As Lippman & Campbell (2014) said, over half of all people that were in this study, sexted with a romantic or sexual context.  Because of this, it is a progressive idea to “sext” to someone who you plan to be romantic with/have already been romantic with.  More power to you!

Problematic: The more of these types of texts or photos a person sends, the more they may feel pressured to send more and more, being a little racier each time.  People should have to feel pressured, they should do it on their own time.

2.     Cut the Cutesy Emoji

In this “tip”, Cosmo says that by adding cutesy wink faces or emojis, it adds many different mixed signals, cut all of the cuteness out, and there won’t be any confusion about “am I texting my little cousin” or “does she think this is a joke?”

Progressive: Showing your sexy side.  If a person really is confident enough to send a sext and they cut the cuteness out, they will feel better about themselves, as well as their partner.

Problematic: If someone isn’t comfortable enough sexting, or in their own skin, then using emojis could lighten the mood and help them.  This tip might push people to feel more uncomfortable than needed.

3.     Let Your Freak Fantasy Fly

Cosmopolitan suggests that it is better to “picture who you’re sexting in their underwear” and be aggressive; say whatever you feel because it’ll turn into something great.

Progressive: It’ll help partners to be comfortable with one another and have jokes with each other, lightening the mood and sharing personal information with one another without feeling self-conscious about it.

Problematic: Telling someone to be more aggressive could again, push them in the wrong direction, telling them to do something they normally wouldn’t do otherwise.  This may also push someone to say something to someone they don’t necessarily fully trust yet.

4.     Figure Out Your Sext Goals

This “tip” tells the readers to make sure both parties know what the end result of sexting is.  There should be a clear idea of where the sexting is leading to.

Progressive: There are no blurred lines.  Are you meeting in person sometime soon?  Cool.  Are you strictly sexting buddies?  Also cool.  By stating what is expected, no one is mislead.

Problematic:  If two people find out that their goals aren’t in line, this could lead to rejection and hurt feelings. 

All in all, I believe there will always be mixed feelings about sexting.  However, what I think is important is that people need to see that with every tip and every sext, there are pros, cons, progressive points, and problematic points.  Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into with every sext you send!



Grant, D. (2014). "4 Tricks For Your Steamiest Sexts". Cosmopolitan Magazine. Retrieved from: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a6941/sext-whisperer/


Lippman, J. & Campbell, S. (2014). "Damned if you do, damned if you don't". Journal of Children and Media. 8: 4. 371-386.