Urgency Script + Daughter = THOT in training

In Maura Kelly’s Virginity Loss Narratives in ‘‘Teen Drama’’ Television Programs she discusses the different virginity loss narratives that are present in Teen Dramas and the messages they send to teenagers. She breaks it down in to three different sexual scripts in virginity-loss narratives, “ the abstinence script, which places a high value on virginity and emphasizes delaying virginity loss; the urgency script, which defines virginity as a stigma and virginity loss as necessary to maintain social status and affirm gendered identity; and the management script, which suggests teenagers’ sexual behavior is inevitable and focuses on managing the physical, social, and emotional risks associated with virginity loss (Kelly, 2009). These different scripts are adopted by teenagers and have major influence on how they view sex. However, when I think of teenagers getting information about sex, I believe it goes much further than TV. I think the influence of teenager’s friends, teachers, and parents have a huge part. I place the most influence on the parents. That being said the question I want to further explore is:

Which sexual script should parents teach their children?

When I was in high school I couldn’t understand why my mom couldn’t be like the wonderful Mrs. George from Mean Girls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGU8qk6R_jg

As I got older I realized how unrealistic that was for not only my parents, but also any parent to do. I was young, and I was dreaming. Growing up in a strictly conservative-catholic household, my parents preached the abstinence script. My dad preached this because growing up he was quite the player. When he had four daughters of his own he realized the thought of us being treated the way he treated girls when he was younger was mortifying to him. My mom always told my sisters and I to wait until we found the right man because “once you have sex once, you become attached emotionally, and that is a hard attachment to break.” That is the only conversation I have ever had with my mother about sex. Don’t do it, end of conversation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5xkxTfVLSA

Why does the abstinence script fail? Because at some point your kids will rebel against anything you have to say. I completely disregarded that conversation with my mom and did what I wanted. I was too afraid to go to my mom for advice and to this day my parents believe I have never been close to having sex. Now my parents are so awesome, and I’m sure if I talked to my mom about it she would be really cool with me and my decisions. But what about the super strict families that lock their daughters up, refrain them from doing any wrong. Those girls go wild when they get freed from the cage. The abstinence script is a recipe for disaster.

Now the urgency script is the recipe for disaster times 100.  I call this the Mrs. George script. Pushing and allowing your kids to have sex just doesn’t even sound right to say. When I was younger I wanted my parents to be this way. I thought that would be super cool and my parents would be the most awesome parents on the planet. However, I have come to realize this is the worst possible approach parents could take. Treating virginity loss as necessary to maintain social status and affirm gendered identity is just asking for your child to have psychological issues and earn one hell of a reputation. The urgency script + daughters = thot.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Thot

DING DING DING, we have a winner, the management script. All parents should pay attention and read this blog! The management script is the way to go. It is true that teenagers’ sexual behavior is inevitable. It is happening younger and younger because kids are being exposed to it much sooner. If you focus on managing the physical, social, and emotional risks associated with virginity loss and inform your children everything they need to know about sex, your kids will have the best shot at engaging in safe sexual behaviors. I have a friend whose parents taught her that sex is ok and a natural thing but she needs to be safe, and can always come to them for advice or help. This didn’t mean my friend ran off and had sex right away. She never felt pressure to have sex and she never felt the need to rebel against her parents. She is 20 years old and still hasn’t had sex. I think it’s naïve to pretend like your kids aren’t going to be curious or want to experiment. That is why if they have all the information they need to be safe, they are going to be better off. The management script is the script I will adopt with my children one day. The management script is the real winner.

So I am sorry to admit it, but Mrs. George, you were wrong. As much as I wanted my parents to be like you, I couldn’t be happier that they weren’t.

Works Cited

Kelly, M. (2010). Virginity loss narratives in "teen drama" television programs.Journal of Sex Research, 47(5), 479-489.