Defying and Promoting the Heterosexual Script in How I Met Your Mother

I love How I Met Your Mother. It is cute and funny and always promises to put a smile on my face. For those who aren’t familiar with the show, How I Met Your Mother centers around 5 best friends that live in New York: Ted, Marshall, Barney, Robin, and Lily. What I find very interesting about How I Met Your Mother is how the characters serve as antitheses to one another, and while some perfectly promote the heterosexual script (Barney and Lily), others completely deny it (Ted, Marshall, and Robin).

Let me introduce you to the characters and explain.

First, there are Ted and Marshall, who serve as the antitheses of Barney. Ted is a quality guy just looking for a relationship, love, and “the one” in the Big Apple. He truly has faith that the love of his life is out there, and he is determined to find her. Marshall is Ted’s best friend. Like Ted, Marshall is the marrying kind and, in fact, Marshall is engaged (and eventually married) to the love of his life, Lily. Marshall started dating Lily in college and has never had sex with anyone but Lily. He is deeply in love with his wife and has no qualms about never having dated anyone else. Ted and Marshall defy the heterosexual script by seeking commitment and marriage. They are juxtaposed, however, by their best friend Barney.

Barney is a womanizer. He has had sex with over 200 women, and is very proud of that fact. Barney is all about women and sex… and then more women… and more sex. Marriage is Barney’s biggest nightmare and is an institution that he just does not understand. Barney follows the heterosexual script, unlike his best friends, by fearing commitment and being all about sex.

Then, of course there are the women of the show: Robin and Lily. Robin does not need a man to complete her, and in fact is very happy being independent and focusing on herself, her job, and her dogs. Commitment is something she just isn’t looking for and “I love you” is something that she has no experience saying. Lily, in contrast, serves as an antithesis to Robin by being happily engaged (and eventually married) to Marshall. While Lily promotes the heterosexual script by seeking marriage and commitment, Robin defies the heterosexual script by not desiring commitment and preferring her career over a man.

So let talk about this for a minute…  is it good that the heterosexual script is both promoted and defied in How I Met Your Mother? Is this bad? Is this relevant? I would like to vote that this diversification of characters is a good thing. I think it is important for viewers to see a diverse view of men and women on television, as this goes to show that men and women do not have to fit in to a confined box and necessarily follow the heterosexual script. Women can be happy in relationships, but women can also be happy focusing on their career and without a man. Same for men: Men can be happy in relationships (contrary to popular beliefs) but can also be happy without a woman. There is no one right path for females and right path for males. It is not important to adhere to the heterosexual script that the media is constantly promoting – the message that How I Met Your Mother sends is that you just need to do what is right for you.

From left to right: Robin, Barney, Marshall, Lily, Ted

Works Cited:

Kim, J., Sorsoli, C. L, Collins, K., Zylbergold, B., Schooler, D., & Tolman, D. (2007). From Sex to Sexuality: Exposing the Heterosexual Script on Primetime Network Television. Journal of Sex Research, 44, 145-157.