"My Husband's Not Gay" The Media Is Still Falling Short

With media serving as a super peer to young adolescents it becomes particularly interesting to look at how the media is serving as a super peer in educating gay adolescents. While browsing the Internet I came across a controversial show that has been making headlines for its content. The show My Husband’s Not Gay aired in January on TLC, and follows the lives of four married men in Salt Lake City, Utah who express attraction to men. With organizations such as GLAAD announcing that the show is “downright irresponsible” I look into the deeper meaning of the show to expose what I believe its strengths and weaknesses are, especially pertaining to the possible effects on gay adolescents.

As TLC has coined many popular shows such as Say Yes to the Dress, 19 Kids and counting, and countless other shows, its viewership is wide and diverse. With TLC being able to reach individuals that are often not represented on mainstream television, the messages they convey can become controversial or inspirational. While watching the first (and only) episode, Jeff states that “ my sexuality is not a choice, and my faith is not a choice either, it’s a deep, deep part of me”. By saying this I thought that Jeff offered a key insight that gay adolescents may be currently struggling with. By stating that he won’t choose and that he will remain faith-filled his statement served as a powerful message that functions as a healthy portrayal, that deconstructs the notion of religion only pertaining to heterosexual couples. In regards to gay (or coming out) adolescents I also believe that this message is beneficial in allowing adolescents to identify and discover their sexuality as it relates to their religion as well. “Media may now be serving as the primary information source for LGB adolescents”(Bond et. al, 2008).  Due to the fact that gay adolescents are using media to identify themselves, due to the lack of acceptance in their direct environments, shows like this can also serve as a platform for adolescents to discover themselves. “After LGB individuals are able to express their sexual identities to themselves, the next developmental task to tackle is coming out to others” (Bond et. al, 2008). Furthermore, this show may also aid religious gay adolescents in obtaining the strength and confidence to come out to their families and peers that also share their strong religious backgrounds.

“Dichotomously gendered portrayals of same-sex couples on television could have repercussions on the way same sex couples function and are perceived in reality” (Ivory et. al, 2008). Although, this show follows real life couples, it falls short in providing harmful representations of gays that deteriorates its production value in providing a positive message. In a later part of the program Jeff relates his attraction to men as being on a diet, something that he often doesn’t physically act on because he ultimately desires a “healthy” lifestyle. What is problematic about this statement is that at face value it’s shunning gays, and telling them to resist sexual urges in order to live up to the status quo of a “healthy” lifestyle, such as fitting in with the heterosexual community. If gay adolescents are choosing to consume this media, they may feel even more reluctant to come out because they see married men that have conflicting sexuality that are choosing to stay in heterosexual marriages in order to fit in, and glamorizing it, as though they are happy. Consuming this kind of a media diet forces fear of exclusion rather than inclusion.

Moving forward media must remember the important role that they play as super peers to adolescents nationwide.  Although we are seeing an increase in media surrounding topics pertaining to sexuality, we must continue to scrutinize the content to extract the deeper meaning, because adolescents are seeking out media to help affirm their identities. Furthermore, although shows like My Husbands Not Gay put controversial topics on the table surrounding the gay community, they are also functioning under the guise of the dominant heterosexual ideology.

Works Cited:

·       • Holz Ivory, A., Gibson, R., & Ivory, J. D. (2009). Gendered relationships on television: Portrayals of same-sex and heterosexual couples. Mass Communication & Society, 12(2), 170-192. doi: 10.1080/15205430802169607

·       Bond, B. J., Hefner, V., & Drogos, K. L. (2009). Information-seeking practices during the sexual development of lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals: The influence and effects of coming out in a mediated environment. Sexuality & Culture: An Interdisciplinary Quarterly, 13(1), 32-50. doi: 10.1007/s12119-008-9041-y

·       My Husband’s Not Gay (2015). Hot Snakes Media. TLC.