A Fine Line Between Okay and Dangerous

Whenever someone talks about BDSM, it always tends to make me think of Rihanna's song S&M, but it also tends to make me really uncomfortable. This topic is something that I have little to no information on, but one thing I do know is this: recently the internet has been up and at 'em with critiques on the new movie Fifty Shades of Grey. Now, despite not reading the book, I do know what the plot is about, and have read several articles on it. What's interesting though is that many reactions on Fifty Shades of Grey seem to be the opposite of what I thought it would be. When the book first came out, it was a big deal for being a book on BDSM. Out of that came jokes, parodies, and even some really strange cookbooks (Fifty Shades of Chicken?). But now that the movie has come out, the reactions seem to be a little more clear or I guess more out into the open.

It seems that Fifty Shades of Grey isn't a book on BDSM, but on domestic abuse. 

Now, before people go all crazy and defend it...or perhaps agree with it, we have to take a look at what the definition for BDSM really is. What is the line between okay and dangerous? According to Mistress Couple (2015), the head mistress of the oldest BDSM training chataeu, ""BDSM is about creating vulnerability, opening yourself up to your partner in a way you can trust them to take you to some of these dark places that are considered taboo overall, but in a loving way," (HuffPost). Which means that a lot of these relations have to do with consent, opening up, and trust. It is when these things are broken, that BDSM goes from being something otherworldly and understandable, to being domestic abuse. 

Now, based on the articles that talk about this movie, it seems like Christian Grey is not someone who values consent, opening up, or trust. One of the most popular examples of his manipulations is that he tries to control and manipulate Anastasia Steele despite the fact that she never signs the consent form (HuffPost). And this is seems to be outside of just the bedroom as well. This is different from the way BDSM is portrayed in a similar movie called "Secretary" where a lawyer and his secretary "developed a relationship involving power exchange, sexual discipline, and control." (112). Note the word exchange. Not that I've seen this movie either, but the word exchange sticks out to me. This word shows some measure of relative equality and control that don't scream dangerous. 

That's the hard thing about BDSM isn't it? Because in some ways, a lot of people see it as something darker and crazier than an average person's sex life, but in the same way, it can be seen as cool. But when manipulation and trust-breaking comes into play, suddenly it becomes domestic abuse and the characters that do it are seen as crazy and broken people. So in theory, if people did crazy violent things but consented to doing it, would it be okay? Talk about a fine line between socially understandable and mentally unstable. I don't know. 

Resources
Marcus, S. (2015). 'Fifty Shades of Grey' isn't a movie about BDSM, and that's a problem. Huffington Post Entertainment. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/16/fifty-shades-of-grey-isnt-bdsm_n_6684808.html.

Weiss, M. D. (2006). Mainstreaming kink: the politics of BDSM representation in U.S. popular media. Journal of Homosexuality 50(2/3). 103-132.