Steamy or Safe: Why the Context in Which Sexting Occurs Matters

Looking over the latest posts to the class blog, I was really intrigued by Eleni's post: "Context of Sexting." I really liked that Eleni brought up some of the different motivations behind sexting and why these motivations matter. I'd like to extend that argument and push back against Eleni's questioning of sexting in high school. Let's start with a Cosmopolitan article that I stumbled across.

The article, pictured above, is titled "4 Tricks for Your Steamiest Sexts Yet." The article, written in a conversational tone by Drew Grant, starts off with a story about the author and her experience with one of her best friends. She talks about her friend's on-agai,n off-again boyfriend and the text he sent one night: "Hey babe, what are you wearing?" The two girls took this opportunity to "beat this guy at his own game," and spent an hour texting back and forth until it reached the point of an "X-Rated Choose Your Own Adventure." Grant goes on to say that what started out as a harmless joke turned into something that was "really hot." She even comments that later that night, the boyfriend called her friend for "the first time in months and engaged in some pretty intense verbal stimulation." Grant has since deemed herself a sextpert, and wishes to use her gift to help people that don't have "game" in the digital sphere to show they how to embrace their sexuality through texts. 

Her four tips for steamy sexts are: 1. Paint a Snapchat With Your Words; 2. Cut the Cutesy Emoji; 3. Let Your Freak Fantasy Flag Fly; and 4. Figure Out Your Sext Goals. All of these suggestions point to Grant's conclusions that sexting can involve a quick picture but that it's far from a requirement. She cites a study that says that women are twice as likely to sext as men are and thus that if you (a woman) wants to send a sext and you want it to be sexy, that the woman has to take charge. She writes that the trick is to send a clear signal that you want in on some virtual foreplay but to still make your message "ambiguous enough that you can claim innocence of any dirty intentions" (Grant, 2014). 

So, what does this all mean? I would argue that Grant's article points directly to the argument that Eleni brought up in her post, that young adults and adults take part in sexting to express themselves and their sexual desires. Grant implies in her article that women can, in a manner of speaking, have sex like a man. As Gail Markle (2008) found in her content analysis of Sex and the City that sexual scripts were embedded within the show to empower the four main female characters of the show to have more recreational sexual encounters than relational, enabling them to initiate sexual encounters and to decline them (p. 45, 55). Thus, can we not make the argument that sexting, at least in Grant's world, does not have to be just an exchange of dirty pictures but an exchange that actually puts the woman in the driver's seat of foreplay, just as Sex and the City does for Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. Over text messages, women in particular might feel empowered to speak openly about their sexual desires and fantasies as the phone in their hand is a kind of protective barrier. For the adults that Grant 'coaches,' it is not all about dirty pictures, it is about sexual stimulation through a banter of sexy talk that is about fantasy and imagery.


So for adults, sexting can be steamy, can be used for foreplay and for the expression of intimate sexual desires. But what about for adolescents? Lippman and Campbell (2014) found that sexting in the case of adolescents often occurs in the context of a "desired or established romantic or sexual relationship with peers" and as a common way "for people to make their sexual interest in one another known." The pair also found that, in some cases, "sexting served as a substitute for sexual intercourse," with participants citing sexting as "'not as bad'" as having intercourse (p. 377-378). Thus, maybe we should not be so quick to equate what is happening in the context of adult texting with what is happening in the context of adolescent texting.

While the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is warning parents to start using the same kind of media that their children are to effectively monitor what their children are doing and deeming sexting as a major "problem," authors like Temple et. al (2014) have concluded that there is no indication that teen sexting leads to risky sexual behavior or other negative consequences (p. 91). Maybe the AAP should not be teaching parents how to dissuade their teens and children from sexting. Maybe it should be teaching parents to talk about the risks and responsibilities that come along with sexting but frame it as an intimate and safe way to explore an adolescent's sexuality with someone they trust. Parents can never be everywhere, monitoring everything that their teen does. But, if sexting is framed as a safe way of sexual exploration as long as it is respectful and consensual for teens rather than framed as teens sending steamy nude pictures back and forth like adults might, we might see more responses like Lippman found where sexting is used in place of sexual intercourse and thus a safer way for teens and adolescents to experiment and develop.

It's just like abstinence: teaching kids not to want to have sex makes them curious- teaching kids not to want to sext makes them curious. It might all just come down to teaching kids what is appropriate for sexting as an adolescent and differentiating that from adult sexting that can be used for foreplay, sexual fantasy, and advanced sexual expression that can be casual or relational. 

Let's let Laci Green explain as a perfect wrap-up:

References

Grant, Drew. "4 Tricks for Your Steamiest Sexts Yet." Cosmopolitan. Cosmopolitan, 26 May 2014. Web. 10 Apr. 2015.

Lippman, J. R. & Campbell, S. W. (2014). Damed if you, damned if you don't...if you're a girl: Relational and normative contexts of adolescent sexting in the United States. Journal of Children and Media, 8(4), 371-386. 

Markle, G. (2008). "Can women have sex like a man?": Sexual scripts in "Sex and the City." Sexuality & Culture, 12(1), 45-57. 

"Talking to Kids and Teens About Social Media and Sexting." Talking to Kids and Teens About Social Media and Sexting. American Academy of Pediatrics, 13 May 2013. Web. 10 Apr. 2015.

Temple, J. R., Le, V. D., Peskin, M., Markham, C. & Tortolero, S. (2014). Risky behavior and adolescent development. In T. C. Heistand & W. J. Wiens (Eds.), Sexting and youth: A multidisciplinary examination of research, theory, and law (p. 77-94). Durham, NC: Carolina Academic Press.